Heartbroken. Angry. Frustrated. I hate that we all have to keep writing this. To remind folks of our humanity. To remind folks to look at the root cause instead of promoting the misogynistic talking points. It’s infuriating. Rage inducing. I am so sorry you had to write this but am so grateful you lent your words and heart to this conversation. Holding you in my heart, friend. Thank you for reminding us to do the work and heal our own wounds to be sure we don’t inflict more upon the world.
Dear friend I am so grateful for your voice and support. It is specifically for this kind of heinous perils that women worldwide face that I look so much upto and deeply into your work. The way you deconstruct misogyny is absolutely the kind of work that will bring the predominantly masculine system down one brick at a time. I am so enraged, bereaved, and frightened, constantly checking over my shoulders to see if I am at a risk of being violated when outdoors. It’s absolutely terrifying honestly given this has happened very close to my home and the fact that my family has a personal history with the hospital which we thought was a good medical centre. I am heartbroken to have written this but this is what the truth is. Misogyny is so deeply ingrained in all the global systems that even when we begin to speak about the distractions that keeps us from making change, we still are touching only the tip of the iceberg.
Swarna—i read about this and felt so much grief and despair and rage—and i feel like in many ways it’s what i cannot live with here but also want to write about and fight—how many women are treated like this and how much it affects my view of this place. It’s haunting and enraging and I don’t want to accept it in any fucking measure. And i read it this week and thought of you and was worried and also knew you’d write about it. It’s also amazing how much fuckery imperialism does for misogyny and violence and racism and all of it. Just no. We’re working towards something more loving and based in care—But gos I mourn with you from here and how all of this is woven into settler mindsets and empire and all of it. And my god—just how? I’m so angry.
Freya I can understand your anger and perplexity about this. The pain and betrayal that I felt with this story is so real. Not only it happened very near my parent’s home, this hospital is also where my sister was born and my mother’s first cesarean has taken place. I grew up knowing that this is a good hospital with responsible administration. And yet to see your city authorities degrade to the level of trying to cover up a heinous crime is totally horrifying. As a woman living in India I never felt safe or sure of stepping out on my own post dusk but incidents like this increases the fear manifold. I feel like we as a society are constantly devolving in how we make women feel increasingly as if they do not belong. This is a primary marker of our current situation worldwide. The anger and fear that I feel for self and sisters over here is existential. I am so thankful that you are adding on to this here. It’s absolutely terrifying going at it alone.
There’s this guy Paul Salopek, a National Geographic photojournalist, who’s been walking across the world since 2014 I think? Starting in Ethiopia, tracing humans’ original migrations out of Africa. He writes essays from his journey, and wrote one once about how the most consistent oppression he’s seen in his travels has been of women (I would bet disability is probably actually slightly higher, just more hidden, but silly to quibble over matters of degree).
Sorry for the language, but I fucking hate this. I know we all do. I hate that you have to be in fear where you are, and that any one of us or our daughters has to be in fear anywhere. Hate it.
Absolutely heartbreaking Nia. After all your curiosities about the great migration should not be filled with stories of oppression at all. We are reminded again and again of the ingrained nature of misogyny and oppression in general, how physical strength and aggression has been an evolutionary advantage. Nature is cruel that way, isn’t she ?
I hate it too Nia. Absolutely fucking hate it that this is how the world is designed and to go against and change things is costing us so many generations across the planet.
This! I think of this often. As a woman who travels solo, how else could the energy it takes to think about and take steps to try and secure my safety be used? As an aunt and mother of young women, what else might we discuss and create together? What else might writers and thinkers and change makers bring into the world?
And the devastating losses of women like this medical student.
It’s the truth that we all need to live with and meditate on everyday. In this world having a female body is like living in a war torn land. There is also necessity to secure behind one fort or another in order to keep moving forward and living free of abuse.
This hits hard as I just finished Claire Dederer’s book “Monsters” and am frustrated with it on many levels, but most by the bare minimum attention given to the lost art and potential of women abused by men whom we’re meant to revere as artistic geniuses. The scant attention given to them made me feel that loss even more.
And I was thinking of you this weekend—I was camping alone at a dispersed campground with few people around, and ended up chatting a bit with a guy who was driving a water tanker back and forth from the river to where there was road repair going on further north. A few friendly exchanges, and then he hit on me. My heart sank right to the riverbed and the rest of the weekend I put energy into avoiding that spot when I heard the tanker truck come in. Nothing changes.
Thank you for your thoughtful, soulful essay. Its the kind of depth we have come to expect and appreciate... and yet I hate that it was necessary. I’ve personally found Kate Manne’s books Down Girl and Entitled to be excellent explanations of the mechanics and helped me see such evils as ‘himpathy’ (the way society feels sorry for the perpetrator rather than the victim when a woman is attacked) and the way reporting blames the victim. Kate is on substack.
Here in Australia we have a scandal where Brittany Higgins was raped in our Parliament House after a work function by Bruce Lehrmann (a coworker) who left her naked and unconscious, but noone felt that ought to be followed up, even when she reported she had been raped. Just this week Higgins’ then head of department, an actual Senator has taken out a civil case against her for defamation. If it was a movie it would be unbelievable.
Wishing you well as you do this important, essential work with you sister citizens Swarna 💪🏻💜
This is infuriating and deeply saddening to hear about the higgins case Michelle. How did Australian public respond to this ? I just cannot believe it, what an absolute shit show !
Thank you for recommending Kate’s work, I shall definitely look into her work. Works like hers stand on the fringe of our collective intellect discourse when they should be the cornerstone of society but given the current state of open misogyny, I am not surprised that it isn’t so.
This is absolutely disgusting. I am reading this report now and all the cells of my body are burning in rage. I can’t even begin to imagine what Higgins had to go through to survive this.
Swarna, it’s hard to know what to say in these situations, which makes what and how you’ve spoken here even more admirable.
The first recorded sale of property was of a woman somewhere around 5000 years ago (or maybe it was 5000 BC, I forget). Nobody will ever be free until women everywhere are truly free, which means free of this constant, visceral fear as well. I want to be free. I want you to be free. I want all of us to be free. Alive, and without this kind of fear. Misogyny is deep and old and we will never be free of it if we can’t fight it. I’m so grateful to be alongside you, and Freya, and 15th-Century Feminist, and so many others, in this battle.
I am so grateful for you Nia with your firebrand voice and righteous anger. The more I learn from you and our friends here, the more I am assured that even if things are all fucked up right now, we are at least here together to make noise for changes. All girls should feel free and safe to wander alone through the world at any hour of the day, because this Mother Earth belongs to her as much to anyone else.
'...we should focus on the institutions and their caretakers that failed her.'
More people need to grasp just how regressive and damaging this type of system actually is to our society in various ways.
It's high time we, the common people, push for serious changes to our backward, harmful patriarchal system...cause at this point, it's clear that many of our leaders aren't gonna willingly undertake such initiatives.
Thank you for reading Raveen. Changes, as been proven in the past, has always been at grassroots levels. Thank you adding on your perspective. Indian women live at the edge of peril all their lives. That’s the base reality of ongoing misogyny in this country.
Thank you for reading Holly. I was so pained to write it all, and hate it that I had to under the current circumstances. And now the french rape case is out and I am already feeling everything I wrote here echoing thousands of folds louder in my head. I wish we didn’t live in a world where we felt so collectively unsafe, for some of us even in the domains of home.
Heartbroken. Angry. Frustrated. I hate that we all have to keep writing this. To remind folks of our humanity. To remind folks to look at the root cause instead of promoting the misogynistic talking points. It’s infuriating. Rage inducing. I am so sorry you had to write this but am so grateful you lent your words and heart to this conversation. Holding you in my heart, friend. Thank you for reminding us to do the work and heal our own wounds to be sure we don’t inflict more upon the world.
Dear friend I am so grateful for your voice and support. It is specifically for this kind of heinous perils that women worldwide face that I look so much upto and deeply into your work. The way you deconstruct misogyny is absolutely the kind of work that will bring the predominantly masculine system down one brick at a time. I am so enraged, bereaved, and frightened, constantly checking over my shoulders to see if I am at a risk of being violated when outdoors. It’s absolutely terrifying honestly given this has happened very close to my home and the fact that my family has a personal history with the hospital which we thought was a good medical centre. I am heartbroken to have written this but this is what the truth is. Misogyny is so deeply ingrained in all the global systems that even when we begin to speak about the distractions that keeps us from making change, we still are touching only the tip of the iceberg.
💜💜
Swarna—i read about this and felt so much grief and despair and rage—and i feel like in many ways it’s what i cannot live with here but also want to write about and fight—how many women are treated like this and how much it affects my view of this place. It’s haunting and enraging and I don’t want to accept it in any fucking measure. And i read it this week and thought of you and was worried and also knew you’d write about it. It’s also amazing how much fuckery imperialism does for misogyny and violence and racism and all of it. Just no. We’re working towards something more loving and based in care—But gos I mourn with you from here and how all of this is woven into settler mindsets and empire and all of it. And my god—just how? I’m so angry.
Freya I can understand your anger and perplexity about this. The pain and betrayal that I felt with this story is so real. Not only it happened very near my parent’s home, this hospital is also where my sister was born and my mother’s first cesarean has taken place. I grew up knowing that this is a good hospital with responsible administration. And yet to see your city authorities degrade to the level of trying to cover up a heinous crime is totally horrifying. As a woman living in India I never felt safe or sure of stepping out on my own post dusk but incidents like this increases the fear manifold. I feel like we as a society are constantly devolving in how we make women feel increasingly as if they do not belong. This is a primary marker of our current situation worldwide. The anger and fear that I feel for self and sisters over here is existential. I am so thankful that you are adding on to this here. It’s absolutely terrifying going at it alone.
There’s this guy Paul Salopek, a National Geographic photojournalist, who’s been walking across the world since 2014 I think? Starting in Ethiopia, tracing humans’ original migrations out of Africa. He writes essays from his journey, and wrote one once about how the most consistent oppression he’s seen in his travels has been of women (I would bet disability is probably actually slightly higher, just more hidden, but silly to quibble over matters of degree).
Sorry for the language, but I fucking hate this. I know we all do. I hate that you have to be in fear where you are, and that any one of us or our daughters has to be in fear anywhere. Hate it.
Absolutely heartbreaking Nia. After all your curiosities about the great migration should not be filled with stories of oppression at all. We are reminded again and again of the ingrained nature of misogyny and oppression in general, how physical strength and aggression has been an evolutionary advantage. Nature is cruel that way, isn’t she ?
I hate it too Nia. Absolutely fucking hate it that this is how the world is designed and to go against and change things is costing us so many generations across the planet.
How much beauty and energy and creativity and sheer free, rambunctious life has been wasted in this millennia-long battle …
Deeply saddening Nia.
This! I think of this often. As a woman who travels solo, how else could the energy it takes to think about and take steps to try and secure my safety be used? As an aunt and mother of young women, what else might we discuss and create together? What else might writers and thinkers and change makers bring into the world?
And the devastating losses of women like this medical student.
Heartbreaking.
It’s the truth that we all need to live with and meditate on everyday. In this world having a female body is like living in a war torn land. There is also necessity to secure behind one fort or another in order to keep moving forward and living free of abuse.
This hits hard as I just finished Claire Dederer’s book “Monsters” and am frustrated with it on many levels, but most by the bare minimum attention given to the lost art and potential of women abused by men whom we’re meant to revere as artistic geniuses. The scant attention given to them made me feel that loss even more.
And I was thinking of you this weekend—I was camping alone at a dispersed campground with few people around, and ended up chatting a bit with a guy who was driving a water tanker back and forth from the river to where there was road repair going on further north. A few friendly exchanges, and then he hit on me. My heart sank right to the riverbed and the rest of the weekend I put energy into avoiding that spot when I heard the tanker truck come in. Nothing changes.
Thank you for your thoughtful, soulful essay. Its the kind of depth we have come to expect and appreciate... and yet I hate that it was necessary. I’ve personally found Kate Manne’s books Down Girl and Entitled to be excellent explanations of the mechanics and helped me see such evils as ‘himpathy’ (the way society feels sorry for the perpetrator rather than the victim when a woman is attacked) and the way reporting blames the victim. Kate is on substack.
Here in Australia we have a scandal where Brittany Higgins was raped in our Parliament House after a work function by Bruce Lehrmann (a coworker) who left her naked and unconscious, but noone felt that ought to be followed up, even when she reported she had been raped. Just this week Higgins’ then head of department, an actual Senator has taken out a civil case against her for defamation. If it was a movie it would be unbelievable.
Wishing you well as you do this important, essential work with you sister citizens Swarna 💪🏻💜
This is infuriating and deeply saddening to hear about the higgins case Michelle. How did Australian public respond to this ? I just cannot believe it, what an absolute shit show !
Thank you for recommending Kate’s work, I shall definitely look into her work. Works like hers stand on the fringe of our collective intellect discourse when they should be the cornerstone of society but given the current state of open misogyny, I am not surprised that it isn’t so.
Some of the public are supportive but there was a lot ‘what was she doing getting drunk, then?’ And ‘what was she wearing?’. And ‘Is this political?’ https://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-68814811.amp then https://www.crikey.com.au/2024/08/27/brittany-higgins-bruce-lehrmann-text-messages/ and https://amp.abc.net.au/article/104263446
This is absolutely disgusting. I am reading this report now and all the cells of my body are burning in rage. I can’t even begin to imagine what Higgins had to go through to survive this.
We've almost run out of words for all of this, haven't we? What an(other) awful story.
So powerful. So necessary to understand. To accept as right.
Yes, thank you for adding your voice to this. 🕯️
Swarna, it’s hard to know what to say in these situations, which makes what and how you’ve spoken here even more admirable.
The first recorded sale of property was of a woman somewhere around 5000 years ago (or maybe it was 5000 BC, I forget). Nobody will ever be free until women everywhere are truly free, which means free of this constant, visceral fear as well. I want to be free. I want you to be free. I want all of us to be free. Alive, and without this kind of fear. Misogyny is deep and old and we will never be free of it if we can’t fight it. I’m so grateful to be alongside you, and Freya, and 15th-Century Feminist, and so many others, in this battle.
I am so grateful for you Nia with your firebrand voice and righteous anger. The more I learn from you and our friends here, the more I am assured that even if things are all fucked up right now, we are at least here together to make noise for changes. All girls should feel free and safe to wander alone through the world at any hour of the day, because this Mother Earth belongs to her as much to anyone else.
Yes, Swarna. YES! 😔❤️🔥🕯️
💔🔥
Thank you for your voice Swarnarli 🙏🏼
Thank you Jonathan for your presence.
If only we focused less on what’s in the story (the violent fallout) & more on what creates the story (it’s supporting logicality), we might end the relentless cycle & recognise the intrinsic worth of each & all https://fromsaltintears.com/twelve-things/2-proofs-of-injustice-are-women-quite-human
So well put. Yes the focus on the root of resolve lies in focusing on solving the problem and not sensationalising it. Thank you so much for the link.
'...we should focus on the institutions and their caretakers that failed her.'
More people need to grasp just how regressive and damaging this type of system actually is to our society in various ways.
It's high time we, the common people, push for serious changes to our backward, harmful patriarchal system...cause at this point, it's clear that many of our leaders aren't gonna willingly undertake such initiatives.
Great analysis, Swarnali.
Thank you for reading Raveen. Changes, as been proven in the past, has always been at grassroots levels. Thank you adding on your perspective. Indian women live at the edge of peril all their lives. That’s the base reality of ongoing misogyny in this country.
Thank you, Swarnali, for this stirring, thoughtful piece. It’s a subject that most be addressed, though I hate how true that abidingly is.
Thank you for reading Holly. I was so pained to write it all, and hate it that I had to under the current circumstances. And now the french rape case is out and I am already feeling everything I wrote here echoing thousands of folds louder in my head. I wish we didn’t live in a world where we felt so collectively unsafe, for some of us even in the domains of home.
Beautiful, Swarnali. Thank you for bearing witness.
Thank you Shaina for being here
Thank you for speaking out.
Thank you for reading